Random thoughts from random Hickeys

Yesterday was our day to pick up the CSA boxes at the farm. When we loaded the 18th watermelon into the car, The Dude exclaimed, "Mama! Where are we going to put all these watermelons in the house?!?!"



I was talking with Maddie over the weekend after attending a friend's blessingway. We were discussing how it can be difficult to be "different" in a world that values "sameness" and how to both fit in and still be your own individual self.


Kat: "The thing is: most people don't think about the world the way we do."


Maddie: "I think the thing is: most people don't think about the world."

Those weird people who get married, THEN have kids...

Maddie, Bella and I are driving to a party. We are discussing my brother Paul's upcoming wedding. Background: Maddie and Liam were the flower girl and ring bearer in our wedding. My brother, Kevin, had his wife's son, Logan, as the ring bearer in their wedding, and then went on to adopt Logan not long after.

Bella: "So, I'm the flower girl. Is there anyone else?"

Kat: "No, just Logan."

Bella: "Logan's a *flower girl*?!"

Kat: "No. Logan is the ring bearer and you are the flower girl."

Bella: "So, why is it us?"

I prepared to give an explanation about Logan and Bella being their Uncle Paul's godchildren, but Maddie beat me to the punch.

Maddie: "Well, Paul and Linda don't have their own kids yet, so they have to have someone else's kids be in their wedding."

Douchebag kids

Please pardon the indelicate language, but I really don't have another word for it that doesn't involve profanity. We also often refer to these kids as "shit-head" kids, too. I posted an article on Facebook about a week ago that really addressed this issue well. (http://www.details.com/sex-relationships/marriage-and-kids/200711/are-you-raising-a-douchebag?currentPage=1) Then, we hosted an end of school party for Maddie and about eleven of her friends. We got to see this behavior in action and it was spectacular.

There was one particular child who really stood out in this realm. I will attempt to defend my diagnosis of this behavior with examples below. Keep in mind that this child is going into 6th grade.

Exhibit A:

Maddie carefully planned the food and drink for the party. We had some foods that were what we call "compromise foods". For parties, we don't serve hard-core paleo or all grass-fed meat, unless that is the eating style of all the attendees. We thought that all-beef hot dogs, beef sliders, fruits and veggies, chips and dip and pretzels were a good compromise - kids would eat it and we didn't have to feel bad about serving it. Since we don't allow our kids to have soda, we put out lemonade, water, real fruit juice and we made a sparkling juice drink with sparkling water and juice concentrate. Kind of like an Izze, but without the price tag and all those bottles.

The Kid: [looks at the drinks set out on the counter] What is there to drink?

Kat: [gesturing to the counter in front of him] "Right here. Take your pick."

The Kid: "Ummmmmm... don't you have any Pepsi?!?"

Kat: "Nope, sorry. We don't serve pop to kids. The drink in the pitcher is sweet and carbonated, if you want to try that."

The Kid: [sighs] "That's all right." [walks away]



Exhibit B:

We had told the kids to bring their bathing suits because we would have a water balloon fight, sprinklers, etc. The Kid brought a water gun to share in the water festivities. The weather was a little iffy and it thunderstormed right after everyone arrived, then cleared up after about an hour.

The Kid: "When are we going to the pool?"

Kat: "We aren't planning to go to the pool today."

The Kid: "Then, why he was I supposed to bring my bathing suit?!"

Kat: "Ummmm... because of the water games and the water gun you brought?"

The Kid: "I really wanted to go down to the pool."

Kat: "Yeah. We're staying here tonight."


About an hour later...

The Kid returns with another kid.

The Kid: "We're going to go down to the pool."

Kat: "Um, you can't just go down to the pool. You have to be 14 years old and a resident of our neighborhood to go to the pool alone."

The Kid: "Well, we'll just walk down there and check it out, then."

Kat: "No. You're not going to walk down there and check it out. You were invited to a party here and I am responsible for you. If you would like to go somewhere else, you can call and ask someone to come pick you up."

The Kid looks stunned. He turns and walks away.



Exhibit C - and my favorite

Maddie had baked some cookies and also planned to do s'mores outside at the fireplace. She planned it all out and had everything displayed neatly. The kids were outside making s'mores, happily eating and laughing. Suddenly, Bella enters with The Kid following close behind. They open the fridge and stand in front of it.

Bella: "Well, what do you want? Coconut, goat, what?"

The Kid: "Regular."

Bella: "What do you mean?"

The Kid: "You know, regular milk."

Bella: "What's regular? Like goat milk?"

The Kid: [starting to get irritated] "What?!? NO! I *said* I want *regular milk*!"

Bella: [getting equally irritated] "Would you just tell me what 'regular milk' means to you?!?!"


I desperately wanted to intervene and tell her that 'regular milk' was store-bought cow's milk and that we didn't have any. But I couldn't stop laughing.


So, folks. What do you think? Is my diagnosis accurate?

Just let me survive until bedtime.

After today, by all rights, I should be insane or medicated.

Exhibit A:
Things I had to explain during the getting-ready time this morning:

What "virgin" means.
What "screw you" means.
What "f@#% you" means.

Exhibit B:
Jackson was playing a game on PBS kids and kept choosing to play the game "Got Nuts?" over and over again while saying, "I'm going to play 'Got Nuts'! Ahahahahahaha! Got Nuts!"

Exhibit C:
While running errands with Jackson, "Hope It Gives You Hell" came on the radio.
Jackson: "Are dey saying 'haaaail', wike wen its haaaailing outside?"
Kat: "No."
Jackson: "Are dey saying 'help'?"
Kat: "No."
Jackson: "Den what are dey saying?!"
Kat: "Okay! FINE! It's inappropriate for you! I'll change it!"
Jackson: "Good. Can we wisten to "Dweam On wif NPH and Shuster?"

Exhibit D:
Maddie asks to search about Native Americans. She sits down to Google search (always a nerve-wracking experience to have kids wandering around on Google...
Maddie: "Mom, whatdoeshornomean?"
Kat: [long pause] "I'm sorry. What did you just say?"
Maddie: "Horno. Horno. Like an adobe clay horno?"

Exhibit E:
Got a call from the principal at Maddie and Bella's school to follow up on a concern I shared over email this morning. Best part of the whole conversation: "The other child admitted to saying 'screw you', but said that she had no idea what it meant. Bella said she didn't know either, so she asked Maddie."

Punchline:
Maddie: "Bella, screw you means the same as 'f-you'."
Bella: "What does 'f-you' mean?"
Maddie: "Ohhhhh, you're going to have to ask mom that one."

Existential, man.

Kat: "Aw, I burned the breakfast sausage. I'm turnin' into Grandma Hickey."

Maddie comes up and puts her hand consolingly on my shoulder. Maddie: "Don't worry, mom. We're all turning into somebody."

That's my girl.

I've added a new service to my doula business. I have been learning to turn the placenta into a nutritional supplement. It is steamed, dehydrated, ground and then put into capsules. In the Chinese medicine tradition, taking the placenta capsules can help prevent postpartum depression and help support the milk supply.

I went last night to finish a placenta encapsulation with my most recent client. The kids were interested in what I was doing. Maddie was particularly interested in the details and if I had "eaten" the placenta after our babies were born. (Unfortunately, I didn't know about placenta encapsulation after having our kids.)

Tonight, we were driving a few girls to gymnastics. Maddie sat in the front and the three girls were chatting in the back. One of the girls was telling a story about a "friend" of hers whose "cousin" had a baby and decided the baby wasn't cute. So, she handed the baby to a visitor to hold and then she left and never came back. Now, of course, these are the kinds of stories kids tell and repeat, so I didn't say anything. Then they started talking about pregnancy and how they wished you could just get a baby, but they didn't want to have to be pregnant or "have" the baby. I said that both are fun. We chatted a little bit more. I said that the woman who left her baby sounds like she was depressed and that can happen sometimes after having a baby. Sometimes people need some help after having a baby.

Maddie: "She needed some of those placenta vitamins you make. And a doula."

The time-space continuum is a tricky thing.

Thanks to the magic of Daylight Savings Time and parents that forgot to help her change the time on her alarm clock, Maddie came down at 5:30 am today. They usually get up at 6:30 for school.

Maddie: "It's 6:30! Why aren't you guys up?"

Kat: "No, it's 5:30. The time changed."

Maddie: "AGAIN?!?"

Could stand to have a few more like this one.

Maddie: "I just unpacked three boxes in my room. I put some toys that I don't want in the boxes. My room is completely clean and my bed is made. I'm going to go downstairs and sit on the couch and knit."

Food deprivation

The kids were discussing what other people ate for lunch at school. Bella mentioned a twinkie.

Maddie: "What's a twinkie?"

Liam: "You know, like in 'Wall-E', the only food left?"

Maddie: "Oh, yeah! Do people actually *eat* those?!"

Of course.

Bella and Liam had been gone for a few hours, so I sent Maddie to find them for dinner. Bella comes flying in reporting where she had been and why she was authorized to be there. Maddie comes in behind her.

Maddie: "It's easy to find Bella in the neighborhood. She left a trail of salami." [holds up three pieces of salami as evidence]



Jackson: "Mom, can you make my smoovie not so mustach-ey? It givin' me a smoovie mustache."

Hypochondriasis.

Bella: "I don't feel well since Maddie's been gone. I have a runny nose. Do I *ever* have a runny nose when Maddie's here? NO!"

Jackson gasps. Jackson: "I have a wunny nose too!"

Happy Father's Day!

Maddie has been saying for days that she wanted to interview the kids about John and make a video for Father's Day. I helped a little, editing out Liam's constant interruptions during Bella's interview and adding a few titles. But, truly, the vision and the finished product were all hers.

Famous! or is it Infamous...?

I got a casting call notice a few weeks ago that a local film production company was looking for an 8-10 year old girl and a 4-6 year old boy for a regional commercial. I sent Maddie's picture and they called, wanting to screen test her. When I got there (with all four kids, of course), they ended up screen testing Jackson with Maddie to see how she would interact on camera. I got an email the next day saying that Maddie and Jackson (!) were front-runners for being cast in the commercial. I got a call the next day that they were cast and that we would film on Monday!

We filmed on the next Monday - it took about 8 hours and the kids did great. Jackson got tired toward the end, but was very responsive and followed instructions well the whole time. Maddie really acted - making subtle changes to her acting and reactions. The director commented on how well she took direction, especially for her age. There were times when Jackson had the entire crew laughing. After the first few hours, he had decided that he had directing down. He started directing himself. The director would say, "and... action!" Then, Jackson would say "and... cut!" The crew would just laugh. At another point, the director was cuing Maddie to walk up to the table and stand behind the mom - the scene you see at the end of the commercial. The director called action, then said, "and... Maddie" and Maddie walked up and stood behind the mom. Then, Jackson waited a moment, stood up and said, "and... Jackson!" and walked up next to Maddie. That final scene wasn't supposed to have Jackson in it, but as you see, he knew he had a little something to bring to the scene! So, with no further adieu...

I'm sorry, what?

Recent communication errors here at the Hickey household:

Bella (on the eve before her birthday): "Mom, I'm tired, I'm cranky, my mosquito bites itch and my feet are all dirty."

Kat: "Bella, even though you're tired, cranky, itchy and dirty, I still love you like crazy."

Bella snuggles in closer, pauses and thinks for a minute. "Who's Gracie?"


We're watching some ridiculous nature show that John is obsessed with watching. They do different episodes about different creatures - this one was about snakes, more specifically a search for a huge anaconda. John and Liam are enthralled. Jackson periodically narrates the show. A horse shows up on the screen. "Horsie!" The man gets on the horse. "Horsie! Ride horsie!" The man dismounts the horse. "Oh. All done."

John: "This show is awesome. This is why I want to be a cryptobiologist."

Maddie: "A creepy bi-what-o-gist?"

Ah, those olden days before DVDs and electricity...

Maddie and I were chillin' the week before last. Mamaw Dot took Liam and Bella back to Ohio, so during the day I just had Maddie and Jackson. Maddie and I were watching a movie - Cinderella 3. No, seriously. It was so bad, it didn't even go straight to DVD, it went straight to Disney Channel.

Anywho, there was a scene where Cinderella was out in a meadow, singing.

Maddie: "This part reminds me of that one movie we watched with Grandma Dot."

Kat: "The Sound of Music?"

Maddie: "Yeah! That's the one! Back in the olden days, they really liked that movie. I think it's kind of boring."

This from the child who sat attentively through "March of the Penguins" in the theater and after it was over and we were walking out said, "Um, that was just a movie about penguins."

How the Hickeys Got Their Groove Back

We took some time off from soccer. Liam and Maddie played a few seasons when we first moved here, then Bella joined for 63% of one season. (we discovered she doesn't "do" cold) We bundled up tiny little baby Jackson and took him to the field every Saturday morning for hours of soccer, yelling and wind. Then this past fall, I missed the signups. And it was just easier. With all three kids going to three different schools, by the time everyone was home at 4:30, I couldn't imagine getting in the car and going somewhere else. I am really possessive of our time at home. Kids need to play outside, to daydream, to eat dinner with their families.

Since I was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and the school year was nearing a close, I signed Liam and Maddie up for a 6 week soccer session at our local YMCA. It's perfect. Maddie's team practices for 30 minutes, then plays for 30 minutes each Saturday. Liam's team practices one evening a week and plays a 40 minute game each Saturday. It's low pressure, with no parents screaming. (except for this one dad yelling at his kid in Spanish today)

The other advantage of this laid back group is our kids are really shining. Liam and Maddie each scored 2 goals today during their games. The coach took Liam and two other guys out of the game because they were beating on the other team so badly.

Here's a few pictures of the Hickey kids in all their glory...

Liam is doing a great job of managing the ball.

Maddie was the go-to girl that everyone was throwing in or kicking to.

She also volunteered to play goal.

Jackson and Bella both had a fever and a cough.
They were not having any fun.

Equal Opportunity Offspring

We traveled into Ohio this weekend to attend a few family parties. We attended a surprise 80th birthday party for Great-Grandma Hickey and a graduation party for my cousin. On the way to the graduation party, we pulled up next to another of my cousins at a stop light. I chatted with him for a second and then we pulled away.

Maddie: "Who was that?"
Kat: "That was my cousin and his boyfriend."
Maddie: "They're gay?"
Kat: "Yep."
after a brief pause, Bella: "That's awkward."

What I love about this 5 year-old's response is that it's not at all judgmental. She took what she knows of the world and of our family and assessed (accurately) that being different from what people expect must be awkward. And she's right! The girls had a few more questions and we chatted for the remaining few minutes of the drive.

At the party, Maddie spent some time playing the piano with my cousin's boyfriend. They played Heart and Soul as a duet and he gave Maddie a few tips on playing more fluidly. When we got back in the car to go home, I asked Maddie what she thought of his piano playing (he's a very talented musician). She told me the piano tips he gave her.

Maddie: "He's really nice. I can see why (our cousin) likes him."

The Young and the Restless

Here are the questions Maddie asked at lunch today.

"Mom, can you have a baby when you're still in school?"
"When can I have a baby?"
"Do you have to be married to have a baby?"
"Did you have a lot of boyfriends?"

I don't like where any of this is going.

The two older kids were at our wedding, so obviously, they know that we had them first, then got married. We never had any intention of hiding that from them. I said that you can have a baby without being married, but it's harder.

Maddie: "But Aunt Jody did it?"

Liam: "Yeah, but it was hard. Do you know how long it took for her to find Uncle Kevin?"

Nontraditional parenting sure has its challenges.

Final word - Bella: "Does everyone have to have a baby? 'Cause I do not want to have one!"

Maybe letting kids watch their own births on video isn't such a bad idea after all.

Just Shoot Me!

Bella came home from school and sat down at the kitchen table for her snack. She asked questions with such urgency, she was almost out of breath.

Bella: "Did you guys get me shots when I was a baby?"

Kat: "No."

Bella: "Aw, man! Now I'm going to get the chicken pox!"

Kat: "Um.... What?"

Bella: "My friend at school has the chicken pox and her and her mom came in today to tell us about them. Her mom said not to worry, that I wouldn't get them if I got a shot when I was a baby. Now I'm going to get them."

She glared rather accusingly at me. Who knew. Most kids would be thrilled to be spared the endless poking.

I carefully braved the world of non-vaccination with the kids. I explained the two reasons why their dad and I decided not to vaccinate them. First, the shot doesn't always prevent the disease (ie. some kids who got the chicken pox shot will still get the chicken pox) and sometimes kids get sick from the shot. Maddie wanted to know more about that part. I told her about a friend they knew at their previous school who had a documented case of vaccine-induced autism.

I had to emphasize over and over (although I know it won't help) that we don't want to talk about this at school because we don't want to make any kids who got shots feel bad. I also emphasized that MOST kids who get shots are fine, but we didn't want to take that risk. Maddie asked why the doctors who give the shots don't tell people that they can cause problems. I told her that they don't believe it. And that the companies that make the shot do know, but don't want anyone else to know. And then my community activist daughter decided that the shot companies should go to jail. Look-out unjust world, here comes Maddie.

What are you gonna do?

Grandma Dot came to visit this weekend, to help us out with the kids and to go to Liam's "Grandparents Day" at school. Today, the weather was amazing, so while John and I watched football at BW3's, the kids played outside. Maddie was riding her bike and one of the neighbor kids came up to her.

Neighbor kid: "Why are you wearing a helmet?"

Maddie: "Oh, my grandma's here. She's all about safety."