Cute, but deadly.

Jackson has discovered that he is cute. He knew before, but now it's on a whole new level. When we are out in public, he will put on a performance if he notices that people are watching him. Case in point: Jackson was hanging out at Miss Addie's because his mother was running a few minutes late to pick him up from preschool. (who... me?) She asked him if he'd like a banana and he said yes. One of the other kids needed something at that moment and she moved on and forgot about Jackson's banana. After a few minutes, Jackson noticed both that he didn't have his banana *and* that Miss Addie's husband was watching him.

Jackson: "Jus' get me my 'nana, woman!"

Feelin' a little meloncholy...

I woke up this morning and discovered that a watermelon had exploded on the kitchen counter. The smell was absolutely putrid. I can't even express the horrid-ness of the odor. I was shocked to see the distance that the rotten pulp traveled. I would say that there was rotten watermelon innard within a 3-4 foot radius of the actual watermelon. It was just sitting there on the counter, looking innocent, with a 3-4 inch incision in it's rind.

The best part is that it imploded this morning while John was the only one awake and was in the kitchen surfing the interwebs and drinkin' his coffee. When I told him about it later, he was relieved because it had freaked him out completely when he heard something splash in the sink full of water and soaking dishes. "I thought it was something supernatural," he said. I wish I had videotaped him demonstrating how he tentatively picked up a wooden spoon and poked and prodded the murky dishwater in an attempt to discover the source of the splashing...

Of course.

Bella and Liam had been gone for a few hours, so I sent Maddie to find them for dinner. Bella comes flying in reporting where she had been and why she was authorized to be there. Maddie comes in behind her.

Maddie: "It's easy to find Bella in the neighborhood. She left a trail of salami." [holds up three pieces of salami as evidence]



Jackson: "Mom, can you make my smoovie not so mustach-ey? It givin' me a smoovie mustache."

I could see where you would get that...

Jackson's got a little cold and a big cough, so he stayed home from preschool today. One of our wonderful new neighbors came by this morning with a little note and a plate full of coffee cake. When Jackson was ready to eat, he came into the kitchen and was dismayed to discover that the kids had finished off the last box of Cinnamon Life (also known as "wife seeweeul"). He prepared to throw a fit and I asked if he'd like to try some coffee cake. He stopped crying and looked up, astonished. I told him the neighbor had made it for us.

Jackson: "She make cawfee cake for feel better my cough?"

Thug life...

Jackson put John's baseball hat on and then turned it backwards.

Jackson: "Whathup, yos? Whathup, dogs? Whathup, thuckers?" (suckers)

That's how we roll...

Jackson is standing in the kitchen looking at a box of wine glasses.

Jackson: "What you doing wif dose?"

Kat: "Packing them up to take them to the new house."

Jackson: "You dwink wine wif dem wif your fwends?"

Busted.

She was saying something about how I don't pay attention. I don't know, I wasn't listening.

Kat: "Good morning, Jackson! Time for school!"

Jackson [sleepily]: "Hooray!"

[long pause]

Jackson: "Wait, what you sayd?"

Kat: "Time for school."

Jackson: "Yipee! I wuv school!"

A brief glimpse

In looking for something in my sent items folder, I discovered that I send one-line emails rather frequently. Much of the time, they are to John, but I have a few select friends that are the beneficiaries of my quick wit/short attention span.

Here's a sample and perhaps a small glimpse into my brain. What might be even funnier is for John (and Jordan and Koren and...) to do a separate post of some his one liner emails and we make a game of it trying to match the question to the response...

I'm not sure if you are checking email at all, but I wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts, friend. I'll be sending you Reiki tonight. Love you.

Um. Where the hell did I put my hotel vouchers?

Chipotle!?! I'm so jealous. I desperately want 'Pot or Taj today. MAJOR craving.

Liam plugged up the main toilet. Please teach him to plunge it when you get home.

I can't take the antici...

Will you email me some of your notes before make this phone call? I feel like if I call right now, I'll get all flustered and screw it up.

1. Babysitter confirmed.
2. Moved your Hickey vs. Wild videos to the red external hard drive under Movies. Damn laptop couldn't do sh%t with a full hard drive.

Found the ipod to TV cord. It's only the beginning. Manifest me finding the camera.

...pation.

Will you be home for the summer? I have a former client looking for a nanny.

Agent called at 10:30 am. He left me a pretty normal message. Doesn't sound desperate enough to satisfy me. Yet.

That sucks. Sorry you lost everything. I have a crapload of contact info so let me know if you need any emails or anything.

No news here. Kids gone to Ohio. Headed up to school to do the formal registration stuff, then oil change for the van and a little shopping for my trip. Status update on your end?

I sent you everything in one email, but it was big. (that's what she said) Let me know whether you get it or not! Thanks.

My NCAA bracket is in. I used my pendulum to pick the champion. Seriously.

Found the check you left me under the mat at the front door. You wrote it five months ago. After I found it, I put it somewhere safe. Still looking.

It appears the missing is mutual. Jackson just came in the room saying, "I wan go Gramma house. I wan go Gramma house."

Any interest in checking this out on Sunday? Live music, family friendly, out doors, beer garden. Did I have you at hello?

Hey - sorry to hear about your grandma. I'm hoping her transition brings some peace to your whole family. Is there any time that's better or worse for me to come by today to get my crap?

Thanks for the offer. I would love to, but I have these damn kids.

Sorry - I manifested perfection and sent Reiki. I hadn't even considered the possibility that it could have been otherwise...

Very deep breaths. Pace yourself. You're just opening windows so the universe can send money flying in...

Oh.my.god. That is glorious, gorgeous and otherwise amazing!!! You are so talented.

No problem! Just getting ready to get The Dude a nap.

Hey- on your way home, would you stop and get beer, coffee and "C" batteries? The damn crackling on the wireless speakers is driving me to distraction.

Señor Diablo-

Es aceptable el pizza para la cena hoy?
[Is pizza acceptable for dinner today?]

La Diosa

John had his car detailed and they found the check you wrote me under the seat. I don't even really remember losing it. Perhaps that means my mind is also under the seat in his car, because it's been lost far longer.

Well, I attended a birth on Saturday and a birth on Sunday, so the weekend ended up being pretty full! How's tomorrow?

Damn. That escalated quickly.

Love it. Make it so, #1.

No problem. They are sword fighting right now, complete with sound effects and falling to the ground dead. :)

Nice. Damn. Money is growing on trees around here. Keep it up, baby!

Call me on lunch. Liam spilled an entire glass of cranberry juice on the white carpet in his bedroom. I'm sorry. I killed him.

Rhinestone Cowboy

My good friend Jordan recently had a baby, then went on to have gallbladder surgery a few weeks later. I called her house on Friday to offer my help and agreed to help today with her four year old son. Her husband said he'd talk to Jordan and let me know whether I would have him over at our house or go to their place and help out. I mentioned to John over the weekend that I might be at Jordan's house on Monday and also asked Jackson if he'd like to have a playdate with Jordan's son. He was thrilled.

Tonight, Jordan's husband called and told me that Jordan would love to have the quiet and could we have the playdate at our house. Later on, John and I were getting ready for bed.

Kat: "I'm not going to Jordan's tomorrow, Owen is coming here."

John: "Did you say Owen?"

Kat: "Yes, Owen."

John: "O-wen?"

Kat: "Yes, Owen. What is your deal?"

John: "That's Jordan's son?"

Kat: "Yeah. Jackson calls him 'Cowboy Owen'."

John: "Oh my gosh. I was talking to Jackson yesterday and he was telling me about hanging out with 'Cowboy Owen'. I kept saying, 'Jackson, what are you saying?' and he would say 'Cow-boy Ow-wen, dad! Cow-boy Ow-wen!' And John would ask, 'Are you saying, Cow-boy Ow-wen?' Jackson would reply, 'Yeah, dad. Cow-boy Ow-wen!' I was wondering what in the world you do here when I'm not home."

Doula video

Thanks to a lovely client, friend and fellow doula, our local doula network has a few opportunities to educate the community and student nurses about doulas. We are working on a brief video to show what it is that doulas do. Here's the original video I created for a community education seminar in February. Any feedback or input for improving is welcome...