Notes from the trenches

Jackson went upstairs to get dressed. He came back down wearing corduroy pants and a casual shirt.

Jackson: "Mama? Dis is my wast pair of pants. All dad's weft is short pants and a pair of pants dat are kinda fancy, you know, wike for a wedding?"


Liam was trying to call the house from school and couldn't get through. The secretary tried and that time, it rang and I answered. She told me who she was and handed the phone to Liam.

Liam: "Mom, just so you know, I did not do anything wrong and I am not in trouble."

The ride home from school with The Dude

Kat: "Jackson, what did you have for snack today?"

Jackson: "A cupcake."

Kat: "Is that on our program?"

Jackson: "Yeah, I sink so. I picked banilla."

Kat: "Did you pick vanilla because you thought it was a better choice?"

Jackson: "Yeah! You know, chocowate? It's a wot more candy-ish."



Jackson: "I asked my fwend at school to smell my breaf today and do you know what she said? She said it smewwed wike a wock star."

Captivity is captivity

Jackson was asking about our old house (the one in which he was born).

Jackson: "Mom, was dere a fan in my room at da old house?"

Kat: "Jackson, you didn't have your own room at the old house."

Jackson: "But I was born in dat house!"

Kat: "Yes, but there were only three bedrooms. One for me and daddy, one for Liam and one for Maddie and Bella."

Jackson: "Yeah, but I swept in your room. In my crate. You know, in the crate dat babies sweep in?"

Little Adults

Maddie was at ballet and Liam was staying after school for pep band. We had a pile of apples that were going bad, so I decided to throw on some applesauce. Jackson and Bella really wanted to help. Jackson got to work right away peeling, but his technique nearly gave me a heart attack. I gave him a good knife instead and after the apple quarters were peeled, his job was to cut them into chunks and put them in the pan. He did an incredible job, keeping his other hand out of the way of the knife. It was the first time he had really used a sharp knife and I was impressed.

Bella hopped in and started peeling the apples with a peeler. She had a better technique, and she has cut up her own apples many times, so I felt comfortable. Jackson showed no worry about the sharp instruments, but Bella was worried, both for herself and for Jackson. Not surprisingly, she cut herself. As she started to bleed, Jackson perked up. "You cut yerself, Bewwa? You wan me to get my firs aid kit?" She nodded and he ran upstairs to get it. When he came down with it, Bella sat at the table and he came to her. As he rummaged through his first aid kit, he said, "Don' wowwy, Bewwa. Yull be fine."

Existential, man.

Kat: "Aw, I burned the breakfast sausage. I'm turnin' into Grandma Hickey."

Maddie comes up and puts her hand consolingly on my shoulder. Maddie: "Don't worry, mom. We're all turning into somebody."

Jacksonisms

Liam walks up to the fireplace and begins to toast his crotch. Liam: "Ahhhhh, I'm roasting my chestnuts."

Maddie walks up to the fire and begins to toast her front side. Jackson: "An' now Maddie is woasting her bweastnuts."



Kat: "Where are the kids?"
Jackson: "Dey're in da pwaywoom watching 'Agatar'. The kid wone, not de adult wone. Not the one with da bwue guys."



Jackson: [deep sigh as he lays in bed] "I wike being naked."

Pulp Fiction, anyone?

You might say that the stress level at the house is a little higher than usual. We leave tomorrow afternoon for Ohio. We have to be packed for 9 days, 5 parties and Christmas, including gifts for exchanging in Ohio. When we return home, Santa will have already come.

The children seem to sense this and adjust their behavior accordingly. They adjust it to code red a#$hole. I have yelled more in the last two days than in the previous two months.

Kat (exasperated): "If I have to tell you guys to stop running and stop screaming one more time, my head will explode!"

Jackson walks into my office and sits down in my lap. He puts his hand on my face.

Jackson: "I don' wan' yer hed to esplode. Den my face will be aw messeee."

Kink in the hose

Jackson has always been the kind of kid who stripped down naked to pee. He also mounted the toilet seat backward, like a horse. He would sit facing the toilet tank. Recently, he grew tired of taking off his shoes to pee, which I can totally understand. He noticed that John stood at the toilet to pee. He was fascinated by this and started saying "I 'tand up, wike Daddy. I 'tand up, mama!"

We had some discussions about the toilet seat rules: stand to pee - lift the seat. Sit to pee - leave the seat down. I thought that I had adequately addressed the standing to pee etiquette.

I was getting ready for a holiday party with my doula network. Jackson from the kitchen into the bathroom. A moment or two later, I hear...

Jackson: "Aw, man!"

I go into the bathroom and he is standing at the toilet. He looks up at me.

Jackson: [sigh] "I pee in my haiw, mom!"

I look down and sure enough, his bangs on the left side of his face are wet. I also notice that he didn't get himself completely out of his pants. Instead, his penis was pinched in the waistband of the pants, pointing straight up - kind of like when you pinch the end of a hose. I also noticed that the entire wall to his left was dripping wet. It took me a good three minutes to stop laughing and explain the scene to the rest of the family in the kitchen. Once we all laughed and Jackson realized I wasn't mad, he thought it was quite funny too.

Oh god. She doesn't even know what decade.

Bella: "Mom? What year were you born? 19... 18... What?"

That's my girl.

I've added a new service to my doula business. I have been learning to turn the placenta into a nutritional supplement. It is steamed, dehydrated, ground and then put into capsules. In the Chinese medicine tradition, taking the placenta capsules can help prevent postpartum depression and help support the milk supply.

I went last night to finish a placenta encapsulation with my most recent client. The kids were interested in what I was doing. Maddie was particularly interested in the details and if I had "eaten" the placenta after our babies were born. (Unfortunately, I didn't know about placenta encapsulation after having our kids.)

Tonight, we were driving a few girls to gymnastics. Maddie sat in the front and the three girls were chatting in the back. One of the girls was telling a story about a "friend" of hers whose "cousin" had a baby and decided the baby wasn't cute. So, she handed the baby to a visitor to hold and then she left and never came back. Now, of course, these are the kinds of stories kids tell and repeat, so I didn't say anything. Then they started talking about pregnancy and how they wished you could just get a baby, but they didn't want to have to be pregnant or "have" the baby. I said that both are fun. We chatted a little bit more. I said that the woman who left her baby sounds like she was depressed and that can happen sometimes after having a baby. Sometimes people need some help after having a baby.

Maddie: "She needed some of those placenta vitamins you make. And a doula."