Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Touché

Liam: "Jackson, your character is a black guy. Why is it a black guy?"

Kat: "What do you mean, Liam? He can have whatever character he wants!"

Liam: "Well, he is always trying to make his guy look like him. I'm just wondering why it's a black guy now."

Bella: "Liam! His guy doesn't have to look like him! Yours doesn't look like you. Your head isn't actually on fire." (Liam's "guy" is the comic book character Ghost Rider.)

Monday, March 14, 2011

Show some respect, dude.

At the end of a long day of two kids home from school with a nasty case of snot, and me not quite feeling 100% either...

Kat: "Jackson, would *you* like some applesauce?"

Jackson: "Yeeeeeeeeah, bay-beeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Kat: "I'm sorry. Am I a girl you just picked up in a bar or am I your mother?"

Jackson: [in his high-pitched 'nice voice'] "Maaaaaaaaaaama, may I pweeeeeeeeease have some aaaaaaaaapwesauwce?"

Monday, March 07, 2011

Que?

Bella: [dancing around mindlessly repeating ] "No hablo español. No hablo español. No hablo español. No hablo español."

Maddie: "Bella! Do you know what you're saying?"

Bella: "No. What?"

Maddie: "You're saying 'I don't speak Spanish' over and over again. In Spanish."

Bella: "Oh."

[big pause]

Jackson: "Mom? How do you say 'I just peed in my pants' in Spanish?"

Thursday, March 03, 2011

His own biggest fan.

Jackson has developed a new speech pattern. It goes something like this.


Kat: "Hey, Jackson, I'm going to make some sausage for breakfast. How many sausages would you like?"

Jackson: "Ummmmmmmmm... I'd wike five. No, four. No, five. [pause] Heh. Heh, heh. Heh, heh, heh. I said 'I'd wike five.' Heh."


He laughs that snarky laugh and repeats himself multiple times a day. It's starting to get old.

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

Just let me survive until bedtime.

After today, by all rights, I should be insane or medicated.

Exhibit A:
Things I had to explain during the getting-ready time this morning:

What "virgin" means.
What "screw you" means.
What "f@#% you" means.

Exhibit B:
Jackson was playing a game on PBS kids and kept choosing to play the game "Got Nuts?" over and over again while saying, "I'm going to play 'Got Nuts'! Ahahahahahaha! Got Nuts!"

Exhibit C:
While running errands with Jackson, "Hope It Gives You Hell" came on the radio.
Jackson: "Are dey saying 'haaaail', wike wen its haaaailing outside?"
Kat: "No."
Jackson: "Are dey saying 'help'?"
Kat: "No."
Jackson: "Den what are dey saying?!"
Kat: "Okay! FINE! It's inappropriate for you! I'll change it!"
Jackson: "Good. Can we wisten to "Dweam On wif NPH and Shuster?"

Exhibit D:
Maddie asks to search about Native Americans. She sits down to Google search (always a nerve-wracking experience to have kids wandering around on Google...
Maddie: "Mom, whatdoeshornomean?"
Kat: [long pause] "I'm sorry. What did you just say?"
Maddie: "Horno. Horno. Like an adobe clay horno?"

Exhibit E:
Got a call from the principal at Maddie and Bella's school to follow up on a concern I shared over email this morning. Best part of the whole conversation: "The other child admitted to saying 'screw you', but said that she had no idea what it meant. Bella said she didn't know either, so she asked Maddie."

Punchline:
Maddie: "Bella, screw you means the same as 'f-you'."
Bella: "What does 'f-you' mean?"
Maddie: "Ohhhhh, you're going to have to ask mom that one."