Just let me survive until bedtime.

After today, by all rights, I should be insane or medicated.

Exhibit A:
Things I had to explain during the getting-ready time this morning:

What "virgin" means.
What "screw you" means.
What "f@#% you" means.

Exhibit B:
Jackson was playing a game on PBS kids and kept choosing to play the game "Got Nuts?" over and over again while saying, "I'm going to play 'Got Nuts'! Ahahahahahaha! Got Nuts!"

Exhibit C:
While running errands with Jackson, "Hope It Gives You Hell" came on the radio.
Jackson: "Are dey saying 'haaaail', wike wen its haaaailing outside?"
Kat: "No."
Jackson: "Are dey saying 'help'?"
Kat: "No."
Jackson: "Den what are dey saying?!"
Kat: "Okay! FINE! It's inappropriate for you! I'll change it!"
Jackson: "Good. Can we wisten to "Dweam On wif NPH and Shuster?"

Exhibit D:
Maddie asks to search about Native Americans. She sits down to Google search (always a nerve-wracking experience to have kids wandering around on Google...
Maddie: "Mom, whatdoeshornomean?"
Kat: [long pause] "I'm sorry. What did you just say?"
Maddie: "Horno. Horno. Like an adobe clay horno?"

Exhibit E:
Got a call from the principal at Maddie and Bella's school to follow up on a concern I shared over email this morning. Best part of the whole conversation: "The other child admitted to saying 'screw you', but said that she had no idea what it meant. Bella said she didn't know either, so she asked Maddie."

Punchline:
Maddie: "Bella, screw you means the same as 'f-you'."
Bella: "What does 'f-you' mean?"
Maddie: "Ohhhhh, you're going to have to ask mom that one."