The Guide Lies...

That's right, I said it. The guide on the cable box does not tell the truth. It says "Blue's Clues" and you know what comes on? Dora the Explorer. After two previous episodes of "Dora" and one of "Go, Diego, Go", which is (are you ready for this?) a spin-off of Dora. Seriously. A spin-off.

I tell Isabella to be patient, wait for the commercials to pass and she will be rewarded with a much-anticipated episode of Blues Clue's. The opening for Dora plays minutes later. Know who's to blame? ME! She gives me that look. The one that says "were you lying, or are you not all that smart?" I flip channels, looking for the blue-highlighted shows that are rated for kids. I see no Blue's Clues, just Dora on two other channels. Don't get me wrong, I love Dora as much as the next girl. The kids pick up a little Spanish and no one gets killed, captured or called "stupid." I'm a big fan.

So, we switch to something else. The teaser says, "Go, Diego, Go" is up next! Isabella is excited! "Great! Go, Diego, Go!" I ask if she likes that show. She says, "yup!" And at the top of the hour, guess what comes on? "Dora the Explorer." Isabella has had it. "Not Dora de splorer! Ugh!"

And... it's the episode that was on earlier. Which I thought was cute the first time because Dora's mom has a baby and there are no obstetricians or machines that go beep. But upon further investigation, I don't like the fact that the surprise Dora is waiting for "drinks from a bottle" and "sleeps in a cradle." Apparently she's never met the bottle-despising, heat-seeking missiles we produce.

*Note: pardon the cynical tone of this particular entry. Lack of caffeine and alcohol changes you.